The many sides of my life...

For the past seven months I have worked at Target. I have worked many different jobs but I enjoy working in the Starbucks and a barista and as a pharmacy tech. Here is a picture of my in my full Barista gala.

Right now I am reading "From Fear to Freedom becoming sons and daughters of God" by Rose Marie Miller. The thesis of the book is about allowing God to strip off our orphan attitude and help us to embrace our status as His children. The book is an autobiography of her journey of discovery of the incredible truths of the Gospel. The book has challenged me and sparked a lot of introspection and thinking about what fears and idols prevent from truly believing that God's love will NEVER change and that He is really for me. I mean I know in my mind the Christian truths but I confess my heart is hard and prefers self-reliance rather than trusting in God. Self-reliance is the enemy because I do not look to God for strength and love. Self-reliance minimizes the power of Jesus' life, death, resurrection, and ascension. I desperately want the Holy Spirit to transform my heart and free me from the idols of pride, seeking approval from others, and fear of trusting so that I may be surprised by His grace every moment of my life. Now at work and as I interact with my family and in Taiwan I desire to be a beggar leading other beggars to find the "bread of life."

I had an experience today working at Starbucks that made me realize how much I am addicted to the approval of others. The District Manager came today and criticized the way I labeled her cup and greeted guests. Yet she didn't see the other twenty or thirty guests that I had great conversations with. She happened to come in the store when their was a long line. She makes me really nervous. Anyway the entire rest of my shift I couldn't shake off her criticisms. They rocked the core of my being. I couldn't just take her comments as things I needed to work on but my thoughts began to descend into how unworthy I am as a person type thinking. I recognized this quickly and continually asked God to help me because I needed Him to remind me of the truth. I am addicted to approval. If I do something good and receive praise then I feel good about myself and believe I am worthy of love. Yet if I receive criticism I fall apart internally. I am standing on shifting sand not on the rock that never fails.

I have been described as an "unusual" person. I do not find that offensive at all. I actually like it. I am not normal (and as a reality check for everyone out their no one is normal!) One thing about me that is a bit unique is that I have celiac disease. Celiac is an autoimmune illness where the immune system malfunctions. If I eat a protein called gluten (found in wheat, rye, and barley) I will get sick. I don't break out in hives or anything but get major stomach aches and my lovely bowels get all bent out of shape (let your imagination run wild!) The question I often get asked is so what can you eat? I can eat all fruits and vegetables and plain meats. I have to be careful with processed foods and sauces such as soy and broths. I have lived with this for four years now and so it is getting easier. Here are some items that I just bought at the organic food area of Kroger...

Although I can't go to the International House of Pancakes and delve on their delicious breakfast I am creative and still enjoy food. My family and friends are supportive and helpful. I will keep you posted on how this might pose obstacles in Taiwan. They eat a lot of rice (which I can eat) so I am thinking it will be okay.

I just sent my Visa to the consulate yesterday so pray, pray, pray that I can get it back in time. They already called today while I was at work so I am nervous that I forgot something important. Honestly, this has already been a hard process. So much red tape and it is hard to communicate to the Chinese people at the consulate because of the language and cultural barrier. This whole process is really rocking my faith that God is taking care of this and cares about this.

Here are some pictures I found of the Chinese people in Taiwan. I am praying that God would start to burden my heart for these people and the students that I will be in contact with.

I am signing off for now - until next time.

- Amanda